In honor of Valentine's Day, I thought I would share some of the results of the love and marriage survey that I conducted in Sonsoro. I interviewed married men and women of both faiths (Islam and Christianity). My results are presumably somewhat skewed by the fact that most of the people I interviewed speak French, meaning they are among the most educated in the village.
Below I have summarized the responses to some of the questions I asked. When only one response is listed, all survey participants answered the same way.
Why get married?
Varied responses:
To have kids (multiple respondents)
Because that's just what you do (multiple respondents)
Is love important in a marriage?
Yes
Should parents choose their children's spouses?
No (except one yes)
Are you in a polygamous marriage?
Yes (except one no)
What do you think of polygamy?
Most women: Don't like it
Men: Like having multiple wives, but it can be problematic
Do you have a legally recognized marriage?
No
Is it acceptable to have sex before or outside of marriage?
No (though all admit it is common and one man admitted to a long history of extramarital relations)
When you were looking for a spouse, which qualities were you looking for?
Varied responses:
"Someone to have kids with" (multiple respondents)
"Your spouse is chosen by God"
"A woman who would obey my commands, respect me, and give me children"
"A man who will make sure I am taken care of and someone with whom I can live in peace"
When you were looking for a spouse, did you want to marry someone...
...you loved?
Yes
...intelligent?
Yes (except one no)
...attractive?
No (except one yes)
...educated?
No
...kind?
Yes
...who knows how to run a household well?
Yes
...rich?
No
...who practices your religion?
Half yes, half no
Happy Valentine's Day!
Below I have summarized the responses to some of the questions I asked. When only one response is listed, all survey participants answered the same way.
Why get married?
Varied responses:
To have kids (multiple respondents)
Because that's just what you do (multiple respondents)
Is love important in a marriage?
Yes
Should parents choose their children's spouses?
No (except one yes)
Are you in a polygamous marriage?
Yes (except one no)
What do you think of polygamy?
Most women: Don't like it
Men: Like having multiple wives, but it can be problematic
Do you have a legally recognized marriage?
No
Is it acceptable to have sex before or outside of marriage?
No (though all admit it is common and one man admitted to a long history of extramarital relations)
When you were looking for a spouse, which qualities were you looking for?
Varied responses:
"Someone to have kids with" (multiple respondents)
"Your spouse is chosen by God"
"A woman who would obey my commands, respect me, and give me children"
"A man who will make sure I am taken care of and someone with whom I can live in peace"
When you were looking for a spouse, did you want to marry someone...
...you loved?
Yes
...intelligent?
Yes (except one no)
...attractive?
No (except one yes)
...educated?
No
...kind?
Yes
...who knows how to run a household well?
Yes
...rich?
No
...who practices your religion?
Half yes, half no
Happy Valentine's Day!
Happy belated Valentine's Day to you, as well!!
ReplyDeleteWhat a clever valentine project to find out about another aspect of the culture!
Were there any surprises in their answers?
Jean Ralley
There were some shocking answers. One interviewee told me that his first sexual experience was when he tried to rape a girl in the woods! ("In those days, you didn't have to ask a girl if she was okay with it.") The rape failed because he couldn't figure out how things are supposed to work.
ReplyDeleteI was surprised in general that everyone told me they had married for love. I think their notion of love must be different from Americans'. Even those who had arranged marriages or married for money told me that their marriages were based on love.
I was also surprised to hear one of my interviewees, whom I consider to be one of the most enlightened and educated men in village, give very macho and domineering answers. He told me he wanted multiple wives so that when he wanted to order his wife to do something, like bring him lunch at work, he would have twice the chance of that happening.