Earlier this week, my best friend in village informed me that her husband had decided that she was no longer allowed to spend time with me. While my conduct in their household has been irreproachable, the husband is merely exercising what he views as his right to control his wife's life.
In Benin, or at least in my region of the country, men and women generally accept that the husband can give orders to his wife. In particular, a woman's movements are dependent on her husband's permission. For instance, when I wanted to invite a colleague to attend a training in Parakou, she agreed but said she needed permission from her husband. Her husband vetoed the idea, so I had to invite someone else to the training.
In another example, twice a month I participate in health education sessions with my Amour et Vie team. When we started, the female member of our team was separated from her husband, so she was free to attend our sessions as she pleased. In the spring, however, she moved back in with her husband, and now she can no longer attend our sessions without permission from her him. Her attendance has thus declined from nearly 100% to now less than 50%.
In the case of my friend I mentioned initially, her husband has long been oppressive. The list of examples could go on and on, but to give one example, her husband does not allow her to leave the house - even to buy food from the market - unless he accompanies her (which he rarely does). She is essentially a prisoner in her own home.
While this post touches on Beninese domestic life (though it barely scratches the surface of wives' suffering), Beninese women live hard lives from birth to death. Another recent example: one of my girls' camp attendees, one of the brightest students in her class, was pulled out of middle school definitively this year because her parents were forcing her into marriage.
For an interesting read on the subject of girls and women in developing countries, I recommend Half the Sky by Sheryl WuDunn and Nicholas Kristof. In particular, I was impressed by the authors' ability to distinguish effective development projects from ineffective/damaging ones. Happy reading!
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ReplyDeleteI'm curious as to why the woman went back to her very controlling husband. Is there ever any protesting by women or runaways? After David was there were there ever comments in this regard in your culture?
ReplyDeleteJean Ralley
In this case, the wife believes she has no choice but to stay with her husband. She did try to leave him once after a big fight, but when she arrived at her mother's house, her mother told her to stop embarrassing the family and to return to her husband! Whenever I have the opportunity, I try to offer a different vision for the wife's place in a marriage. In particular, I like to talk to male friends about how to treat their wives.
ReplyDelete