On Saturday, I attended my host sister's wedding in Dangbo. The wedding was somewhat of a cross between an American wedding and the church services I grew accustomed to in Dangbo. It was like an American wedding in that the bride wore a white dress, the couple exchanged the same "for better or for worse" vows, and the groom lifted the bride's veil to kiss his new wife. One difference was how they walked down the aisle: the groom and best man came first with a slow ten-minute step dance down the aisle, then the bride and maid of honor did the same for 15 minutes.
The ceremony was reminiscent of Dangbo church services in that it was 3.5 hours long and had similar music, dancing, and drums. But the funniest resemblance to a Dangbo church service was how late everyone was. When the wedding started at 10 am, I was one of only eight or so people in the whole church. The other 150 came in over the course of the next few hours.
In fact, part of the reason the wedding ran an hour longer than scheduled is that the bride and groom arrived so late. The pastor had to stall until the groom arrived to walk down the aisle, then when it was the bride's turn, a pastor in the back signaled that we would have to wait because the bride hadn't arrived yet. The bridge and groom came 30-45 minutes late. About 45 minutes into the ceremony, the pastor asked the bride and groom's parents to stand to be recognized, but they weren't there! The pastor lectured them in their absence, and they finally showed up about an hour and 20 minutes into the service.
A reception followed the wedding. It was similar to an American reception - music, food, dancing - except that there were no scheduled activities like speeches, first dance, tossing the bouquet, etc. The bridal party just sat at the front of the tent as the guests ate and enjoyed the entertainment.
A host cousin grabbed my camera and took pictures during the ceremony. He had no qualms about being intrusive and taking pictures right at the altar, so he got me pictures I wouldn't have otherwise had. Unfortunately, my camera died during the ceremony, so I have no pictures of the rest of my host family or the reception.
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| The maid of honor and bride doing their slow step dance down the aisle. |
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| The groom has lifted the bride's veil and is preparing to kiss his new wife. |
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| A view of the church in which I spent so many hours during training. |
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| The percussion section next to the choir. Lively percussion is a standard part of church music at this church. |
This makes me laugh. The bride and groom get to the wedding late and then the parents get there that much later. Time seems to mean nothing to them or to their guests.
ReplyDeleteLively percussion music is standard at some churches here. It's totally foreign to me because I expect an altar where all the instruments are arranged, complete with amplifying equipment and snaking cords and wires. Maybe there's an African influence. A more formal pipe organ would seem more in keeping for a church.
Was this an arranged marriage or is there some courting that happens much as we know here?
Jean Ralley
There are a few stories in my family of my grandma arriving late to her children's weddings, but in those cases, they just delayed the start of the weddings until her arrival. I can't imagine an American wedding starting before the critical players - especially bride and groom - arrived. I wasn't terribly surprised about the tardiness in Dangbo because every Sunday the pastor lectured the congregation about how it was unacceptable that the majority of them arrived late to church.
DeleteThe tardiness was also amusing because they passed out a schedule in which every single step was timed to the minute. The welcoming words were scheduled from 10:00 to 10:02, the next step was from 10:02 to 10:07, the next step was from 10:07 to 10:22, and the whole ceremony was supposed to end at 12:33. I can't believe they ever expected those timings to be respected. At one point, we sang every verse in "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" (French version) twice; I wonder if that was a stall tactic since we were still waiting for the bride and groom.
Percussion is certainly the musical basis here, but the church does have a mini keyboard that it uses rarely and a powerful speaker system that makes you appreciate when the power goes out. The speakers are primarily used for the microphones and are extremely loud. I explained to my host sister that they could cause serious hearing damage over the long term, especially if you spend ten or more hours in church every week as she often does. She said they make them so loud so that all of the heathens who don't go to church will be able to hear the Lord's word.
This was a love marriage, as they'd say in India, but not in the traditional American sense. I don't think there was any dating involved and that most of the get-to-know-you part happened post-engagement. The bride and groom are members of the same church. The groom had admired my host sister from afar and eventually took action. He told her he loved her and she refused. He continued to do so for at least a year. He wanted to get married, but she kept refusing. Eventually she agreed to get married only if her parents agreed. Her parents agreed, but she refused. Then she agreed to the marriage only if his parents agreed. His parents agreed, but she refused. Then she agreed to the marriage only if the pastor accepted. The pastor accepted, and she finally did, too. I think her story illustrates why I have been told so often that Beninese men don't take a woman's "no" seriously!