One of the most common questions I am asked in Sonsoro is "How's your husband?" Now, you may be inclined to say that I don't have one, but that's where you're wrong. Well, sort of.
In Bariba culture, it is a common practice to joke about a young child being your husband (or wife). Often enough, when I am out and about, someone will ask me, "Do you want a husband?" and offer me the nearest young boy. The offer is always a joke, and the boys are used to it (and probably already have several "wives" this way). The occasional child, of course, is terrified of being brought towards the batoure and runs off screaming.
It is in this manner that I have a few dozen husbands - all under the age of 12 - in Sonsoro. My husbands include my colleague's two year old, the shopkeeper's baby (she's also my colleague's "husband"), one of the newborns at the health center, and an awful lot of boys that have been brought up to me in the market or elsewhere. This morning I got another husband yet: a father offered me his eight year old whom he had brought in to the health center for treatment.
In reality, of course, polyandry is not allowed in Benin, whereas polygamy is commonly practiced. I keep wondering how it is possible to have polygamous families (sometimes with four - or more - wives) when there are roughly as many men as women. Shouldn't that mean that there are lots of men without wives if some men have claimed more than one? My colleagues insist that there are more girl babies born in Benin than boys, but I have pointed out that the birth records show the numbers are equal. If anyone has an explanation, please share.
In Bariba culture, it is a common practice to joke about a young child being your husband (or wife). Often enough, when I am out and about, someone will ask me, "Do you want a husband?" and offer me the nearest young boy. The offer is always a joke, and the boys are used to it (and probably already have several "wives" this way). The occasional child, of course, is terrified of being brought towards the batoure and runs off screaming.
It is in this manner that I have a few dozen husbands - all under the age of 12 - in Sonsoro. My husbands include my colleague's two year old, the shopkeeper's baby (she's also my colleague's "husband"), one of the newborns at the health center, and an awful lot of boys that have been brought up to me in the market or elsewhere. This morning I got another husband yet: a father offered me his eight year old whom he had brought in to the health center for treatment.
In reality, of course, polyandry is not allowed in Benin, whereas polygamy is commonly practiced. I keep wondering how it is possible to have polygamous families (sometimes with four - or more - wives) when there are roughly as many men as women. Shouldn't that mean that there are lots of men without wives if some men have claimed more than one? My colleagues insist that there are more girl babies born in Benin than boys, but I have pointed out that the birth records show the numbers are equal. If anyone has an explanation, please share.
Can a woman be claimed by more than one man? You must be quite a curiosity without a real husband, seeming quite strange to them. At what age are woman becoming wives?
ReplyDeleteJean Ralley
Technically, a woman can only have one husband. However, women may change husbands when their marriages break up or they are widowed. I don't fully understand the reason marriages break up. In my host father's case, 2 of his 5 wives left him and took new husbands because they were sick of being poor. However, when a marriage is dissolved, the man keeps the kids.
ReplyDeleteI am also told that there is a lot of cheating that goes on. If a woman becomes pregnant by her lover and the husband figures it out, she is kicked out and automatically marries her lover. Men are paranoid about their wives cheating on them, which is one of the reason that nearly all men in Sonsoro oppose birth control. Men assume that their wives will be more likely to cheat if they know they don't risk getting pregnant. I even met a married couple who wanted to abort a pregnancy because they already had a young baby, but the husband refused to consider birth control because of the cheating aspect. Men, of course, cheat regularly and their wives are just expected to accept it.
The marriage age here depends on the ethnic group and education level, from what I can tell. I am told that Peulh girls marry quite young (often early teens) to make sure that they don't have sexual relations before marriage. Otherwise, women might wait until they are 18, but they seem to be married at least by their early twenties. The pharmacist at my health center was an exception and didn't marry until her late 20s.
I had an extended conversation with the middle school principal about girls' education and he maintained that the biggest factor in girls dropping out is getting pregnant. Sometimes it's by their peers, and other times it's by village men. The village men will give the girls cell phones or phone credit - which the girls couldn't afford otherwise - in exchange for sex. So the principal and I are working on finding ways to fight this trend (sex ed, resisting peer pressure, the importance of staying in school, etc), such as developing a girls' club and starting an Amour et Vie (health education) group.